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Advices-
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Is your marriage stuck in a rut?
Is your marriage stuck in a rut?
Learn how to add substance to your
humdrum life
Well, if it is... don't worry. You are not alone.
This is a very common situation. Initially,
everything is exciting. Then comes the phase
of shock and disappointment... when we start
to discover the weaknesses of our
"dream" spouse. And then - if we are
innovative and enthusiastic people -
we make the effort to accept our partner as
they are, and get back to our own
life-development.
It is this last phase which is trickiest
and most challenging... but also most
rewarding if properly done.
I have often mentioned before, how the
media raises unreasonable expectations of
marriage. That, coupled with how typical
weddings are made, to be so larger-than-life,
launches you on "Cloud Nine" at the beginning
of your wedded life.
But like anything in life you ultimately get,
out of your marriage, what you put into it.
Here's a few points to add not only some spice,
but also some substance to your humdrum life.
First of all, take a break. Both of you.
But NOT together. Separately. Alone. Go
somewhere
where no one knows you and make friends.
Rediscover yourself. And nature. And what a
de-stressed life actually feels like. Maybe
trekking, river-rafting, rock-climbing.
Something you have never done before.
It may take effort at first -
being alone in a new environment -
but go through all those hitches and take
up the challenge whole-heartedly. Determine
to discover new aspects to the infinite you.
And then, when you get back... you have so
much to talk about! Even if
(actually, especially if) the trip was a
disaster, trust me, you will end up valuing
each other much more.
Next, take a trip together. Again, something
wild. Radically different. Be creative in
planning the escapade. It doesn't have
to be a 5-star luxury resort in the
Maldives (yawn). Something adventurous.
Like back-packing through the deserts
of Rajasthan. Or a teerth to
Badrinath-Kedarnath.
Something that actually scares you at
some level.
Or go to a health resort where you can
actually enhance your physical and mental
capacities and come back better-off than
when you left.
If you have already tried these options then
it's time for you to dig deeper. Take a
step back from your life and look at
it from a top-angle. Where are you? What
do you want? What did you want when
you got into this relationship? Where
were you disappointed / disillusioned?
What actually excites you as a person?
Something that, over the years, you
find you can never tire of, no matter what?
Often, it is because we have become
bored or uninspired with ourselves
that our relationships become stagnant.
But being bored is not the correct way
of going through life. We are
essentially dynamic, growth-oriented, and
creative beings. But too much of materialistic
living (trying to squeeze happiness out of matter)
dulls our senses and our spirits.
Rejuvenate yourself by being around cheerful
, high-confidence, stimulating people.
Think, dream, hope, experiment.
By understanding and working at
yourself-your dreams, your hopes,
craziest ambitions - you can bring
zest and zeal back in your life...
and that joy will spill over into your
marriage (and even your work!).
I have a friend who is so full-of-life that
it's unbelievable. She's 42, got two
grown children and a thriving business...
but she is absolutely determined to enjoy
life no matter what. She works out daily,
keeps herself in great shape, enjoys her
own beauty, and is always fascinated by
other people and what they make of this
thing called life. She just recently
started taking singing lessons (
a childhood passion), and...hold
your breath for this one...KATHAK LESSONS!!
Mujhe tho sunke sharam aa gayi. I mean,
I'm ten years younger than her and I
could never dream of doing something
like that!!
You think her husband is still interested
in her?
You bet. She is so spontaneous and excited
that she attracts attention like a magnet
from all others around her.
Dig deep into your passions and interests,
and you will find the child-you're
hiding there. In fact, childhood /
young adulthood is a very good clue '
to what you are and what you want out
of life. You will be surprised to discover
that what you were, when you were twelve,
is what you still are somewhere inside you.
Did you ever want to learn how to play
a certain instrument? Or painting? Or
Chinese martial arts? French, Italian,
Spanish? Get out and do it now. Oui!!
Being a student will be a bit
humiliating at first, as our adult egos
have gone completely out of whack
(which is actually the main problem
to begin with, but I digress).
Eventually you will start to feel
'
like a newborn-baby... pink, fresh,
wide-eyed and brand spanking new with a
whole wide world out there to discover.
Now you're probably wondering what this
has to do with your marriage. Not much.
And that's my point. By definition,
certain relationships become a bit
hum-drum after time. The same thing
which gives us much required
"stability" and "security"
becomes "predictable" and "routine".
That's human nature. Wanting to have
your cake and eat it too. If you
understand, accept and be able to
laugh at this basic predicament...
you will then be able to use the strong
base that your marriage gives you to
freak-out with yourself
(which is a much better option than sitting
around and sulking about what a rut your
marriage is in - and then trying to
find answers in random articles like these!).
The crucial point here is this: the
onus lies on each individual to make
their own lives fulfilling, dynamic and
inspiring. If not only the married partners,
but also every member of the family should
take charge of his or her destiny. The
family automatically becomes a vibrant
symphony of many hues and textures...
with lots to talk about and learn from each other.
So you know what that means...
It's the time to...
GET ON WITH LIFE!!
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